the san antonio spurs

this one is probably the interweb equivalent of a broken record but i will happily get my 2 cents in on the subject. this team is the representation of everything that is wrong with professional basketball and they won't fucking stop winning. i am so filled with hate that i don't even think i have anything funny to say (do i ever?) about these assclowns. there is not a single person on this team that won't have to suck it come the reckoning: the star-fucking frenchman who feigns pains every time anyone so much as touches him (the frog who cried wolf?), the argentinian dago who, understandably, is a master of ridiculous gesticulation and being a pussy, the D&D playing man-child who's always making sad face, the mustachioed cheap shot artist, the geriatric cheap shot artist, the acne-scarred coach that specializes is teaching his players how to be complete and total bitches, and a bunch of other fuckers i can't ever remember (plus one who's just not worth mentioning). and they're from san antonio. yeah, spurs, i remember the fucking alamo, that shit was tight!

don nelson

ok. let's get one thing clear right off the bat, i love this kooky old drunk. he was around the last time this team was worth half a shit, when that raging homophobe was running the show (ed note: we would totally do a post on homophobes except that it would be obvious and, well, kinda gay). and he's got this wacky hands off zen approach to coaching that generally rules (suck it phil jackson, you got nothing on nellie). but come on! at some point did it ever occur to you to sit these fools down, slap them around a tad, and tell them to stop shooting up threes with the combined accuracy of an epileptic circle jerk? if you made a video of the ugliest warriors moments from their last 3+ weeks of phoning it in it would look something like this, except, you know, without the sexist, racist, incompetent pistons legend at the helm. well, shit, i guess warriors fans will just go back to punching themselves in the balls, it has the same effect, and you don't have to pay your cable bill to do it.